Just Because

So, as I already mentioned I will be sharing some thoughts about Katherine leading up to her birthday. So, I will now share what I wrote to be read during her funeral. I am aware that there were many people there who heard it in person, but perhaps were not able to remember it or fully appriciate the words and thoughts expressed due to the nature of the situation. So here it is:


"For my sweet sister Tiffany to read at the funeral the words that I want said:

It all began I suppose at the temple.

About a year and a half ago, I was at the temple and I was told by the still small voice that there was another child waiting for me and for the family. My gut response was that I could not do it again as I have such health problems with the pregnancies. But the still small voice spoke to me again and I was told that I can and I will.

So, I proceeded forward with the decision to have a baby. I got pregnant quickly and lost the pregnancy about 8 weeks later. Then about six months after that, I was pregnant again with Katherine. The pregnancy went smoothly up until about 29 weeks when I was hospitalized for the first time because of my blood pressure. I then began the revolving door of being hospitalized several more times prior to delivery. Then the time came to deliver her and my husband and eternal sweetheart gave me a priesthood blessing the night before we went in. I was blessed that there would be seen and unseen angels watching over me.

I was then told by the doctors while they were prepping me for the surgery that I would yet again have to be on the same medication that I had been on with my other two deliveries. Prior to going in, I had prayed to my sweet, tender, and kind Heavenly Father that if it was His will to allow the trial of the medication to pass from me.

But, it was not his will; I had to be on the medication. Let me take a moment to describe the medication to you that the Lord has seen fit to inflict upon me three times. The medication is given through an IV. It is designed to shut your body down and leave only the absolute essential organs functioning. So that means for over 24 hours three different times in my life, I cannot take deep breaths as my lungs are not at full capacity. I must be on constant oxygen. I cannot eat or drink anything because if I did my lungs would fill with fluid. I cannot see as it affects the vision to the point that I am almost blind.

During the time that I was on the medication after Katherine’s birth the seen angels were the medical professionals watching over me. It was the kind nurse that came in every 30 minuets all through the night and into the next morning. While I was alone, that is when the unseen angels were with me bearing me up and keeping a close watch over me through that long night that I was confined to my bed. They were close, I testify to that. Perhaps in small moments they were seen and they were familiar faces of the women who love me that have passed on before. I saw the loving faces of my dear and much beloved Grandmothers Brown, Cora, and Romney. They were there as they were there before when I was on the medication with my other children.

Upon leaving the hospital, I was told that I would have to come back if my blood pressure got worse. I went home and it was stressful and crazy. I waited until that night to take the pressure. It was bad and I began to despair. I began to cry and cough which is never a good idea when recovering from a surgery. In that moment of great and utter despair I was granted a beloved tender mercy of the Lord.

The phone rang right at that moment and it was our much beloved home teacher. He was calling and it was late about 9:00. He said that he was leaving work and knew that I was coming home from the hospital and wanted to check up on me. I told him that I needed a blessing. He came right over and worthy priesthood hands were placed on my head. I testify to you that Heavenly Father’s promises are sure. I was promised that my health would improve and it did. I was given exactly what I needed at that moment in time.

Now, I will flash-forward several months and say that since Katherine passed away I have again been granted tender mercy after tender mercy to help me through this. I have been bourn up on eagles wings as Isaiah has promised. I have had angels surrounding me and bearing me up as the Savior promised to our much beloved Prophet Joseph Smith. I have been told that I am not yet as Job, for my friends and family are here to welcome me with open arms and tender hearts.

I can now testify without a doubt that I know the Savior lives and loves us very much more than we know. I know that because I have had the privilege and honor of experiencing that knowledge first hand. I know that he has already felt and bourn my grief long ago in a garden far away. I know that he is the only one that can help me feel better. He is the only one that I can yoke myself to and pull this burden together. I know that the yoke is designed for two strong animals to pull together equally, but that is not the case right now. He is pulling pretty much all of it. But over time, I will be able to pull equal with him. Then and only then I may be able to begin to understand what the Atonement really means.

But in the meantime, I will still go on day by day and when I look up into the sky I will know that my Katherine will be there waiting for me. I look forward to the joy upon seeing her again. I hope that I can be granted yet one more tender mercy when the Savior will say to me: “Well Done, Thou Good and Faithful Servant”."