Just Because

With the new year arriving soon that means Katherine's birthday will be arriving soon as well. I have decided that leading up to her birthday I am going to share some of the things that I have written about her and some things that other people have also written about her as well.

So, the first thing I want to share is a letter written to me about a week after Katherine's funeral. The person identifies herself, but I feel that it is personal so I choose to keep her identity anonymous.

Her letter in part reads as:

"My heart has been breaking for you all week long. I have cried and hugged and kissed my baby a lot the last few days.

It may seem weird that I am typing you a letter when I hardly know you. But I need to tell you something that happened last week. I saw you at the B track picnic in the park. This was not unusual. I have actually seen you quite a bit this school year. While I have waited in the car for my boys, I have watched you several times coming and going with your children to school. I watched you when you were very pregnant with your baby, and then watched you pushing her in the stroller every time with your little ones in tow. You are very conscientious. You always know where your children are and make sure they are close to you. They seem very well behaved and know not to wander too far.

As I have watched you I can tell you are a good mom. On the day of the picnic, I saw you sitting under a tree in the shade. You had your baby in your arms and would occasionally put her down on the blanket next to you and stroke her head. It was very serene. It was a beautiful picture. I even pointed you out to my husband and said I thought I would go and say hello to you. But then something stopped me. I am not sure what it was. But now as I look back, maybe I was not supposed to interrupt what was happening under the shade of that tree. A sweet mother who was raising her family just as Heavenly Father wanted her to. She was at that moment in the right place. She was where she needed, spending a few last quiet moments with her little girl. Not knowing that the next day that she would be gone. I am glad now that I did not interfere. I got to sit by and watch what motherhood is all about.

These little ones come and go so soon they will be leaving us. We get to he here and take care of them and hope that we are doing a good job and send them on their way. You are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. And just like me, there were angels watching you and agreeing that you are a wonderful mother. One of those is your daughter. Someday she is going to thank you. While she was here, you loved her and held her and kissed her and took care of her. You did exactly what you were supposed to do to make her life sweet. Do not ever doubt that! You could not have done anything differently to change what happened. If Heavenly Father wanted her back, he was going to take her. She is so lucky to have spent her life in your family, and He will bless you for that!

I cannot even imagine what you must be going through right now, but I am sure one of your fears is forgetting her. So my gift to you is a memory. Try to remember that day before. Remember sitting under that tree with her. It was a beautiful day. You seemed so peaceful as you watched her lay there. You would pick her up occasionally, I am sure most moms do, because our babies are so beautiful that we cannot stand to not be holding them! Think of that day. And think yes, you did your job. You fulfilled your mission with her, and she loves you for it.

I also want to thank you for giving me some perspective. I am sure that you never knew that I was watching you. But every time that I have seen you, you are an example of the kind and patient mother I need to be. This whole week I have really been able to stop and think about what is most important in my life, and that is my family. This life can be so short. But being able to mourn with you has made me a better mom, so for that I truly thank you."

That is part of the letter that was written and sent to me about a week after the funeral.

Ah, my dear and sweet Katherine how I love and miss you. I know that you are doing really well, you are happy and at peace and that brings me great comfort. Farewell until we meet again at Jesus' feet where I know you are right now. I look forward to the day when I am able to join you there again.

Ode to Bob the Bullfrog

So for the past nearly one year, Bob the spotted and rather fat and very cute bullfrog has lived at our house. He is one of Joseph's webkinz and a much beloved member of our family. When Joseph is offtrack he is even more a part of our family.

So, it should come as no surprise to anyone who may be reading this to hear the story that happened this morning.

I was downstairs cleaning, minding my own business and Juliana came down to ask me a question. The question went something like this: "Mom, Bob wants to know if he can play webkinz and then watch Toy Story 3?" Oh really? Bob? Oh yes Bob (aka Joseph) wanted to know if they could get on the computer and watch a show. How could I say no? Oh, dear Bob how I love you, you are just one of my kids although a bit less expensive to maintain and really very little trouble.

Merry Christmas

So, we had a really fun last couple of days with all the Christmas fun. The kids decorated Katherine's tree the other day in preparation for the holiday. I thought that candy canes would would weather well outside, I had to get creative you know?

We had really fun going to a Christmas Eve dinner and then a Christmas Day dinner. Needless to say we ate well and I made several desserts!

The kids had a great Christmas morning. They got up early and opened all the presents which they loved of course. Later that afternoon we went to visit our angel Katherine and sang some carols and gave Katherine her favorite, pink roses for her gift. Now that we are done with the crazy of December, we will look forward to the next hurdle of Katherine's birthday which is looming. But, we plan to make it a celebration as it should be.

Hope everyone had a great holiday. Merry Christmas!

About the Pictures

So, a few words about the pictures.

We had the ward Christmas party on my birthday which was a fun evening. The kids saw and talked to Santa and gave him their lists. They made gingerbread cookies and had dinner, a really fun night. I had the idea in my mind to "display" my new found talent of piano playing. So, I decided to sign up for our family to sing while I played for them. I chose to play several of the primary pieces I have learned over the past year I have been taking piano. I practiced quite a bit before the performance. But, I got in there in front of everyone and froze! I got so nervous, it was a complete disaster! So embarrassing! I played the first two lines of I lived in Heaven and my family was not singing and then I had to stop and start again, and then it went down hill from there. After sitting down following the horrible piano playing Rachel informed me that their singing was much better than my piano playing. Juliana then told me that I messed up a whole bunch and needed to practice some more. Maybe I am glad that on the day of mine and Joseph's recital that Joseph threw up all over my friend's tile floor at her house and then we were not able to go. I am afraid I would have done the same thing. It was for the best for sure.

Then Mike and I had our birthdays which is always fun and busy. I had the chance to go out to a couple of different dinners with some friends of mine which is always fun. Mike and I went on our date night to the temple and then got take out at Olive Garden, it was a fun night. Happy Birthday to us!

A couple of days later, we had been invited to go to a Christmas party at the barn. I told the kids we were going to the barn for a party and Rachel said it would be cold and dark, she did not want to go. I said it was not in the barn but in Laurie's house at the barn, she seemed okay with it. We got there and I noticed that Laurie had a brand new shiny black baby grand piano in her front room. I asked her how long she had had it. She said she had just bought it since she had decided to take lessons. So, about an hour later, I suddenly hear a very familiar song being played. Come to find out it is Joseph playing "Duke of York" which is the piece he played to get into the school talent show. I walked into the room and Laurie is standing next to him with her mouth wide open in shock. All the other kids were just pounding on it, not playing just making noise on her beautiful new instrument. But, my fearless Joseph played the song from memory and you can imagine it sounded great on the baby grand. Laurie was blown away. She told Joseph that was the most beautifully played song on the piano yet. Leave it to Joseph to break in a new piano. It was a fun night visiting with fellow horse lovers and eating great food.

Then a short week later we celebrated the girls' birthday. We had a very busy and full day that day. We had a practice for the choir program that morning. I was able to help a friend of mine who is going through a very difficult time right now by watching her son for awhile. Then we had a birthday party, I told you it was busy! But, the girls choose Skate City and that is where we went. We returned home and ate pizza, opened presents, and then ate cake. Rachel informed me that it was the best birthday ever. What more could I ask for?

Then that night Mike and I had a date night to the temple where we did a session and then spent about 2 1/2 hours cleaning after the session. This was a unique and fun way to serve the Lord. It was very different way to see the temple. All I will say is Mike had a leaf blower and I had a spray bottle and we went to town. What a way to clean. That is my kind of cleaning. We were also able to do some vacuuming, you know how I feel about that.

Our home teacher then gave us a gift card to the Elephant Restaurant and that is where we ate on the girl's birthday. We had never eaten there, but it was really yummy. Mike and I shared an entree of fire roasted chicken in a wok with brown rice, yummy! The kids all ordered chicken fingers. But, their meals came with ice cream sundaes. Rachel took her cherry on the top and ate it. I have never seen her eat a cherry before. I asked if she liked it. She thought for a moment and said: "It was sketchy." I wonder where she heard that one. It made me laugh out loud, so funny.

So, now with the birthdays over we will be looking forward to Christmas which is looming. We will be planning on going over to some friends for Christmas Eve dinner and then having a quiet Christmas here. It should be a fun and busy next couple of days.

Lots and Lots of Cute Pictures of Party and Birthdays

Our Busy Month

So, here are some pictures over the last month or so at our house. We had a really fun Halloween and then a great Thanksgiving. My parents were able to come this week and have been here the last couple of days. They have just left and we miss them already! But, we had a great time while they were here. The girls were able to do their Thanksgiving play on Tuesday in kindie, they were "Pilgrim Women", just in case you were unable to tell by looking. We had a great Turkey day with mom and dad, mom and I cooked and cooked and then ate and ate, it was great! Then Grandma treated the girls to pedicures at their favorite place, Sweet and Sassy, they loved it of course. Grandpa and Joseph went bowling while the girls shopped and then we met up for lunch at Quoba. This morning we all enjoyed a beautiful morning at the barn where I rode and jumped Gemini, Gemmy for short. He is a really cute and sweet white pony. It was a great lesson. I know that my head is cut out of some of the pictures, sorry, I am not sure who takes worse pictures, me or my mom, I believe it is a toss up! Oh well, you can get a feel for it. So beautiful down there as you can see with all the trees. What a great weekend. Oh, by the way we did go down and see Katherine on Thursday, we miss her and love her lots and lots.

Just Because

So, I have been meaning to write more about my Katherine. I think that I am at a point now in my grieving process that I am ready to open up more about it and put things out there that may not have been said or discussed. So, I will be doing some of these entries now and then.

So, my first entry involves a story that happened a couple of days after Katherine's passing. During my therapy, I did a lot of writing, so I wrote the story, so now I will write it down for the blog.

"The Service of the Shutters"

In order to begin this story I must go back to the first time that we came to see the house that we now live in. On walking into the home for the first time, I noticed that the front shutters were peeling. The paint had become sun baked and was crumbling off. The appearance some what bothered me upon entrance. However, the rest of the house and the price we paid for it made the shutters seem but a small problem that I could overlook and later fix. As it is when you move into a home, projects come and go. Eventually, in my mind I thought the peeling shutters would be fixed when we paid someone to come and paint the entire exterior of the home. Quite, honestly, I had somewhat forgotten about them.

Now I will flash forward to the days immediately following the passing of our beloved daughter Katherine. Her death at five months of age was such a shock to everyone that people just did not know what to do. They did not know how to serve, help, succor. I felt that those first several days following her passing that my home had become an almost constant open house. All sorts of people in the form of family, friends, and ward members were coming and going all the time. One of the nights of the "open house" there were two relief society sisters in my home who had come by to check on me to see if there was anything that I may need.


I remember standing in the office of our home while my husband was working on Katherine's program for her funeral saying to them there was just nothing else I could think of that they could do for me.


They were practically begging me to say something in order to allow them to serve me. All of a sudden I thought of the shutters. The same shutters that had hung outside my home for over three years peeling and weather worn. I then suggested that they could maybe help me repaint these shutters that have bothered my for three years. My thought was that there were many family members who were coming for the funeral that had never seen my home and it would be nice if the shutters had a new coat of paint.

So, the next thing I know the two angel sisters (for they were angels to me) were outside my front door peeling off some paint chips to take to the store and match the color. About an hour later there were three men from the ward in paint clothes knocking at the door. With them came all the equipment needed to begin the project at 9:30 at night. It was summer and the evening was pleasant, but it was dark.


The darkness of the night did not deter these good brethren from completing their task. By the light of a full moon and some flashlights, they took down the shutters and then decided that the door frame should be painted as well in order to match the newly painted shutters. I stood in awe of these men painting my home, performing such a selfless act of service. That was an overwhelming feeling. They allowed my grieving husband to commune with them as they talked about whatever guys talk about during a paint project.

The project lasted into the wee hours of the morning. I remember drifting in and out of sleep. At some point I heard my blow-dryer in use as they were attempting to speed up the paint drying. Finally, at 1:30 a.m. I heard the drill and knew that the shutters were being placed back on my home and the project was completed.


When you think of service sometimes what comes to mind is bringing in a meal or watching someones children while they go to the doctor. Never in a million years would I ever think that painting someones shutters would have such an impact on my life. But it did. Their act of service buoyed me up during a very difficult time. I testify to you that I know that there good and righteous brothers and sisters in the Gospel truly lived the words spoken by the Savior when we declared: " . . . Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."


Yesterday, I did another day of scrap booking at Children's. I spent about 6 hours with Katherine and her memory. These days are very difficult for me. They are bittersweet. Bitter to think that she is gone, but sweet thinking about the joy I will have when I see her again. I love you sweet Katherine, my arms ache to hold you again. I miss you with every breath that I take. I look forward to seeing you again.

Flat Stanley, Yes Flat Stanley

So, the first couple of pictures are a picture for my mom of my kids in their new Halloween costumes that she sent. The other two pictures are from a birthday party that we went to with my friend Melissa's daughter Isabel. She had a Fancy Nancy party and they had to dress fancy and wanted to wear their new costumes. They had so much fun at the party, Melissa always puts on a great party. The girls loved it of course.

The next set of pictures are a result of some letters we received about a month ago from Idaho. My brother and his family live in Meridian and they have twins who are 7. So, their daughter Becca sent my girls a letter and their son Andrew sent Joseph a letter as well. The letter was about Flat Stanley who is a character from a book who has a black board fall on him and he becomes flat and then has the ability to fold himself up in an envelope and travel all over the world. So, Becca and Andrew's class at school decided to send the Flat Stanley's to us in Denver. We were the "host"family and had to take Stanley around and show him different places here in town. The first place we took him was to Katherine's, then the park. We then checked the book Flat Stanley from the library and took a picture there. Then we decided to hop on the light rail and take Flat Stanley on a tour of downtown. Out first stop was to Mile High Stadium. Then we got off at the Pepsi Center/Elitch Gardens stop. (Just as a side note, do not ride the elevator at that stop, oh man it was sketchy!) Then we got off at Union Station and then walked down to 18th and Black and took a picture of the Rockies Stadium. This is where Joseph's portion of the tour ended, however the girls insisted on one last stop. They took Flat Stanley to Sweet and Sassy for a picture with the pink limo. As you can well imagine, the kids loved hosting Flat Stanley. It was a perfect off track activity. So much fun. Thanks to Becca and Andrew for choosing us, we were honored to have him with us.