We are off track from school right now. We are in the last week of our three week break. Because of this, we have a bit of free time on our hands to say the least.
With some of our free time, we went to see our sweet Katherine yesterday. She is buried in a beautiful spot in a very historic cemetery in Denver. There are many large and majestic trees that line the roads and are in the middle of the burial plots. The trees are beginning to bloom. You know which ones I am talking about right? The ones with the white buds in small bunches. So sweet and tender, so delicate and soft, white and pure. It is the beginning of a new spring. A beginning of a new year for our family.
We had a tough last couple of months of the year. Mike's job of over 12 years was terminated and we were unemployed for about a month. It was stressful, a heavy burden to bear. He was able to secure a job as a finical service consultant at Bank of the West just after the first of the year. As you can imagine it was very different for him, a huge adjustment for him and for me as well. He is working really hard and adjusting well to the new roll. If there is nothing else in life that I have learned is that life changes all the time. You never know what will happen or what the day will bring.
Joseph went for a "buddy day" at Thunder Ridge Middle School this past Friday. He went to check things out and to get the lay of the land so to speak. It went really well. He had a great time. He actually said he loved it, which was a great comfort for me as a mother for sure. He has already turned 11 and is now entering into a new stage in his life. He is no longer a little boy, but now a young man. I have been doing a lot of praying and pondering about how to best teach him and guide him through these years of change and transition. I know it will be difficult, but also worth it to see him succeed and be happy which is all that I want for him and for my family.
Our other big news is that we bought a piano. I was able to find it off of Craig's List and felt we got a good deal. It now sits in our front room and is a great addition there. Joseph has now progressed into the higher levels of his piano books and needed a pedal and a piano for that matter, so we took the plunge and bought it.
Tonight I plan to attend the monthly group meeting that I help to facilitate at Children's Hospital. This group has been very successful and we have gotten really positive feedback about it. It is bittersweet to go there for me. It is bitter to go and have to relive what happened to Katherine. Yet it is sweet because I get to remember her and say her name and talk about her in a safe environment where no one will judge me or squirm or think, well its time to get over it now. Or you should not go see her grave once a week, that is not normal. This is a sweet, safe place to talk about and celebrate my angel in heaven. I have made some quite good friends there as well, it is always really nice to see them and visit with them, commune with them. There is a mother there who I have come to know over this past 19 months or so. She lost her son in the same manner as Katherine. She is very nice, but she and I are very different. She is lost in a sea of darkness and doubt. She has no beacon light beckoning her back to safety and happiness. I know she feels a lot of resentment and anger about what happened. This is very normal. I have felt those things as well. The main difference between us is that I look to the Savior as my beacon light. He is my rock and my salvation.
Last Easter was very difficult for me. I was angry and upset about having to face another holiday without my baby. But, this Easter already feels different and better. I am finding myself rejoicing in the knowledge that the Savior died and was resurrected. If for no other reason, He did this for me so that I may be able to see Katherine again.
As the weeks go by, the trees will continue to bloom and grow. By the time her 2nd year angel day arrives, it will be warm, green, soft, and welcoming. I will look forward to feeling the warmth and softness of that day.
Farewell my sweet angel until we meet again at Jesus' feet where I know you are right now.
3 comments:
Angel day - I love this term. I'm glad you recorded the ups and downs from the past few months; I think it's good to remember not only the great times, but the OK and not so great ones as well. Together, they make up a life. I am thrilled - THRILLED! - that Joseph's day at T.R. went so well. And that you got a Piano. And that your support group has taken off so well and provides you the channel to continue to rejoice in Katherine's memory. I love your musings about spring arriving. It is an uplifting time indeed. I am so glad your solid testimony and foundation of faith have buoyed you throughout the process of Katherine's return to her heavenly home. Don't know how people get along in life without such knowledge.
Beautifully written Paula - thanks for sharing! I love to hear about you and the family and your feelings. Glad the support group is going well, you must be a great blessing in so many people's lives!
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