On long, cold, lonly nights the pondering usually turns to your family and if you are a mother to your children. This experiance had shown me that we have great kids. I have always known that, but when you do not see them all the time and are not around them all the time it allows you to really appriciate them. They are truly a gift that has been given to me. I think that with Joseph's pregnancy I took it all for granted, it was quick and unexpected. The girls pregnancy was also quick and crazy. But I truly think I took it for granted. Where this whole experiance has taught me that this ability to be a mother is precious and sacred. I did a lot of praying that night, it was a fairly enlightenly night. I guess in some ways it was meant to be.
Another thing that happened during my first stay at the hospital that I guess was meant to be was meeting one of my day nurses. I really liked all of my nurses while I was there. But, this one was wonderful. She was a 67 year old French women who has lived here in Denver for over 30 years. She has been a Labor/Delivery/Parinatle nurse at Rose for about that long as well. She was wonderful, a really special lady. The first night the kids came to see me, she walked in and saw them and then had to excuse herself because she was so emotinal in seeing our family. She was overwhelmed by the spirit that she felt from our family. She said that we just gave off a glow that was special. She just fell in love with the kids and called them all by name each time she saw them. She is a life long Catholic and is very devout in her religion. I know she felt the spirit of a forever family. We decieded to give her the Joy to the World DVD and the family proclaimation and we talked a bit about families the many times she came in to take care of me. Then when I was admitted back, she was my nurse again and she came in and was so excited to see me and gave me a huge hug. It was really sweet. What a great woman. I look forward to seeing her again and showing her the baby. The Lord works in mysterious ways does he not? Who would have thought that would have happened? Well, I guess I did my missionary work for what the month, the year perhaps? It will be a memory that I will always cherish. I guess we all need to have the bitter to know the sweet. We must know the bad to know the good. We all have to walk to long road to Jericho and sometimes we may run into the thieves, but sometimes we may run into the really special people as well. But the only way to figure that out is to walk the road wheather we want to or not.
The next day I was able to go home, but not for long. I made it throught the weekend in bad health and very high unstable blood pressure. So, by Monday I was needing to go back. That process was really crazy made easier by Kevin and Kristie Chadwick who came and picked me and the kids up and then Kevin drove me down to the hospital and Kristie took the kids home until Mike was able to leave work and pick them up. They fed them dinner and took great care of them. This is just not the best time for Mike to take work off it is very busy for him with end of year reviews and a year end audit, so thanks again to the Chadwicks for all thier help that crazy day.
Then I had to go back to the same hospital room and then face the same experiance that I faced before. All the nurses were the same and welcomed me back as if I never left. I just fit right back in the routine. This time though the medicine had been changed and things seem to have calmed down a bit. I was able to leave after the 24 hour test and then have been home ever since. Thanks goodness for that. My restrictions are more than they were before. I cannot drive and have to limit walking and going up and down stairs. This is for real bed rest. But, at least it is not the hospital. At least I have not had a baby yet.
My mom is here for another week and then she leaves on Saturday. She has been here all this past week. It has been nice to have her here. Mike can go to work and not be nervous about me. He can get a lot done and plans to take some PTO time and then FMLA leave after his mom leaves. So, I think that we have a plan in place. This is a relief for all of us. I know that both moms will come now and then Mike and I will do the baby after she is born. The moms are helping now and then after the baby is born, I can start being able to take care of myself and the baby which will be nice.
This past Tuesday I went for an ultra-sound which I will be doing once a week along with a NST as well until the baby is born. They have maxed out the dose of meds that I can take, my OB informed me that I am taking enough blood pressure meds to kill a person. I guess that is supposed to tell me to take it easy. We have a plan in place with the delivery. The plan is that I will deliver sometime during the week of January 9-15. Unless something happens between now and then, that is the plan. Which I guess was always the plan. Two of the doctors have confirmed this as the plan so I feel really good about it happening. I will repeat the 24 hour test beginning tomarrow. I will know more after those results come in when I will deliver. But the test will be done here, don't worry. I had better go for now, next time I write, it will be about Christmas, we had a great time!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Its quiet for a moment
Hello
I know that it has been a while since I have written anything. It has been an interesting last couple of weeks around our house. The tricky thing is where do I begin? How about the beginning?
I know at my last post I was saying that I was ready for whatever happened next. Well, I guess I thought I was. It is amazing what you can get through when you are going through it. I know that sounds redundent, but I do not know who else to say it.
Two weeks ago tomarrow, my health took a turn. I knew that things were getting bad, I knew where I needed to go I just was not ready to go there. But, as the day wore on, things grew worse. So, we packed our bags and dropped the kids off at our home teachers house for the rest of the evening. Thus beginning a long list of people that have helped us along this road to Jericho that I have been traveling down.
We arrrived at the hospital and were admitted to Labor and Delivery. Then we were told that if the lab work came back abnormal that we had to prepare ourselves for delivery. They set up a consult with the NICU people and then we sat and waited. They was not much said between Mike and I, nothing really. Into the silence, Mike said, I could have any name I wanted. I was not thinking names at the time, but did not respond. He then said, that he knew I wanted Katherine Diane and that was what the name was going to be. I said alright and that was about it.
When the lab work came back alright, I was admitted to the Parinatel unit into my usual room which is 377. I was in this room with the girls and with Joseph. I would have had to read Rose Medical Center the Riot Act if they did not put me there. I think that it helped that I mentioned it to the nurse and she saw to it that I was placed in there. It just happened to be opened at the time. Just so everyone knows, it has tan colored walls with a border of tan colored ivy that spans the top of the walls around the room. Parts of the border by the bathroom door and the window are peeling off a little. This I know because I had time to study the walls in detail.
The first night I received a steriod shot to help mature the lungs. Then I had to begin receiving insulin shots 4 times a day to counter act the steriod shots which throw your glucose levels off. They also had to figure out what to put me on to help get the blood pressure under control. This is kind of a hit or miss thing because they do not know what dose will help, how much to give, ect. That night they offered me an Ambien, but I said no, but then the nurse insisted to help me sleep. But the ironic thing is that can anyone really sleep at a hospital? Is that possible?
The next day, the doctors decieded to place me on new medication and see how I responded. I also got my glucose moniter to begin pricking my finger. I stayed a couple of extra days to see how my body would respond. I received the next dose of the steriod shot. I forgot how much they hurt. I got them with the girls, but I was high on drugs and in pre-term labor so I do not remember. All that needs to be said is that my bottom was sore for about a week after. So, it was another night of Ambien. Which was interupted by lots of contractions and another near delivery moment. For some reason the night nurse had hooked me up to the moniter around 11:00 p.m. and then came in and said, can you feel those contractions that are coming about every 2-3 minuets? I said well it does feel a little tight. So, there we go again. The nurse is getting me into the wheel chair and the resident and nurse are walking quickly down the hall to triage to examine me. At this point, it is almost midnight and it is snowing outside. I say to the nurse, should I call Mike?! She says calmly, well lets just wait and see. I was told yet again I had to prepare myself for delivery if the exam did not go well and if the results turned out abnormal. So, I layed there and then prayed and commited myself into the Lord's hands. It was a very helpless feeling, all I could say is that "Thy will be done." Whatever that may be.
The Lord's will was done and things calmed down. Did I mention, that at that point I was camping, I had not taken a shower and I am sure I smelled just lovely for the exam. Oh well, what are you going to do? The next morning I was wheeled over to Dr. Lindsey's office who is the high risk specialist who I saw with the girls. I was wheeled in and then left in the hall to wait for a moment to see the tech. While waiting there looking and smelling lovely, I noticed a couple leaving one of the exam rooms. She was dressed in a very nice pant suit with a fancy coat and he was dressed in a suit also with a fancy coat. They both looked fresh and clean and cheerful. I have to admit in that current state of affairs I was jealous of her. She looked over at me with an inquisitive look and then she looked away. I am sure I looked beautiful and smelled even better. I wanted to say to her, you are only one step a way from where I am, so you had better be careful. (Just kidding) (Although not really, she would only be seeing him if she was having some problems.)
I had an ultra-sound there at the office and saw the baby really clearly. Her face is really cute and her chin reminds me of Rachel's chin. Those ultra-sounds are crystal clear at that office, it was nice to see the baby. She is doing great and everything there is looking the way it should.
The next day in the hospital was my birthday. I guess the only good thing about having a birthday in the hospital is that everyone you see and talk to wishes you a happy birthday. Every time I ordered a meal, happy birthday. Every doctor I saw, happy birthday. Every nurse, tech, the lady cleaning my room, happy birthday. It was actually pleasent. It was the most times in my whole life that I was wished a happy birthday. The kids came down and we opened presents and then they sang to me. It was sweet. Then Joseph broke my heart when he left and said it was hard to leave me there. You try and be strong and stoic. You try to put on a happy face, but it is difficult when carrying a heavy burden. When you face the uncertainty of the furture. When you face another long, cold, lonely night all alone. Needless to say, I broke down later that night. It was very emotional for me. On long cold nights you begin to think. It is more like pondering really.
Sorry kids and Mike are back, I will write more later and also put on some new pictures soon.
I know that it has been a while since I have written anything. It has been an interesting last couple of weeks around our house. The tricky thing is where do I begin? How about the beginning?
I know at my last post I was saying that I was ready for whatever happened next. Well, I guess I thought I was. It is amazing what you can get through when you are going through it. I know that sounds redundent, but I do not know who else to say it.
Two weeks ago tomarrow, my health took a turn. I knew that things were getting bad, I knew where I needed to go I just was not ready to go there. But, as the day wore on, things grew worse. So, we packed our bags and dropped the kids off at our home teachers house for the rest of the evening. Thus beginning a long list of people that have helped us along this road to Jericho that I have been traveling down.
We arrrived at the hospital and were admitted to Labor and Delivery. Then we were told that if the lab work came back abnormal that we had to prepare ourselves for delivery. They set up a consult with the NICU people and then we sat and waited. They was not much said between Mike and I, nothing really. Into the silence, Mike said, I could have any name I wanted. I was not thinking names at the time, but did not respond. He then said, that he knew I wanted Katherine Diane and that was what the name was going to be. I said alright and that was about it.
When the lab work came back alright, I was admitted to the Parinatel unit into my usual room which is 377. I was in this room with the girls and with Joseph. I would have had to read Rose Medical Center the Riot Act if they did not put me there. I think that it helped that I mentioned it to the nurse and she saw to it that I was placed in there. It just happened to be opened at the time. Just so everyone knows, it has tan colored walls with a border of tan colored ivy that spans the top of the walls around the room. Parts of the border by the bathroom door and the window are peeling off a little. This I know because I had time to study the walls in detail.
The first night I received a steriod shot to help mature the lungs. Then I had to begin receiving insulin shots 4 times a day to counter act the steriod shots which throw your glucose levels off. They also had to figure out what to put me on to help get the blood pressure under control. This is kind of a hit or miss thing because they do not know what dose will help, how much to give, ect. That night they offered me an Ambien, but I said no, but then the nurse insisted to help me sleep. But the ironic thing is that can anyone really sleep at a hospital? Is that possible?
The next day, the doctors decieded to place me on new medication and see how I responded. I also got my glucose moniter to begin pricking my finger. I stayed a couple of extra days to see how my body would respond. I received the next dose of the steriod shot. I forgot how much they hurt. I got them with the girls, but I was high on drugs and in pre-term labor so I do not remember. All that needs to be said is that my bottom was sore for about a week after. So, it was another night of Ambien. Which was interupted by lots of contractions and another near delivery moment. For some reason the night nurse had hooked me up to the moniter around 11:00 p.m. and then came in and said, can you feel those contractions that are coming about every 2-3 minuets? I said well it does feel a little tight. So, there we go again. The nurse is getting me into the wheel chair and the resident and nurse are walking quickly down the hall to triage to examine me. At this point, it is almost midnight and it is snowing outside. I say to the nurse, should I call Mike?! She says calmly, well lets just wait and see. I was told yet again I had to prepare myself for delivery if the exam did not go well and if the results turned out abnormal. So, I layed there and then prayed and commited myself into the Lord's hands. It was a very helpless feeling, all I could say is that "Thy will be done." Whatever that may be.
The Lord's will was done and things calmed down. Did I mention, that at that point I was camping, I had not taken a shower and I am sure I smelled just lovely for the exam. Oh well, what are you going to do? The next morning I was wheeled over to Dr. Lindsey's office who is the high risk specialist who I saw with the girls. I was wheeled in and then left in the hall to wait for a moment to see the tech. While waiting there looking and smelling lovely, I noticed a couple leaving one of the exam rooms. She was dressed in a very nice pant suit with a fancy coat and he was dressed in a suit also with a fancy coat. They both looked fresh and clean and cheerful. I have to admit in that current state of affairs I was jealous of her. She looked over at me with an inquisitive look and then she looked away. I am sure I looked beautiful and smelled even better. I wanted to say to her, you are only one step a way from where I am, so you had better be careful. (Just kidding) (Although not really, she would only be seeing him if she was having some problems.)
I had an ultra-sound there at the office and saw the baby really clearly. Her face is really cute and her chin reminds me of Rachel's chin. Those ultra-sounds are crystal clear at that office, it was nice to see the baby. She is doing great and everything there is looking the way it should.
The next day in the hospital was my birthday. I guess the only good thing about having a birthday in the hospital is that everyone you see and talk to wishes you a happy birthday. Every time I ordered a meal, happy birthday. Every doctor I saw, happy birthday. Every nurse, tech, the lady cleaning my room, happy birthday. It was actually pleasent. It was the most times in my whole life that I was wished a happy birthday. The kids came down and we opened presents and then they sang to me. It was sweet. Then Joseph broke my heart when he left and said it was hard to leave me there. You try and be strong and stoic. You try to put on a happy face, but it is difficult when carrying a heavy burden. When you face the uncertainty of the furture. When you face another long, cold, lonely night all alone. Needless to say, I broke down later that night. It was very emotional for me. On long cold nights you begin to think. It is more like pondering really.
Sorry kids and Mike are back, I will write more later and also put on some new pictures soon.
Monday, December 1, 2008
The completion of a great weekend
Well, the grandparents and girls made it back from the hotel in one piece all having a great time. Juliana woke up several times because she kept loosing her covers. But Rachel helped comfort her until my mom went over to cover her up. How cute is that? My mom said that she would hear Rachel say to Juliana, don't worry, Grandma will be here soon. So sweet! They all had a great breakfast and then got ready and came over.
When they got here we were able to get all the Christmas decorations out and the tree up and decorated. So, I feel really good about that. The kids love doing that, they get so excited. They put all the ornaments in one spot, so mom and I had to fix the tree just a bit. But, it is done and that is a releif. Mom was also able to make us one more freezer meal so we are set with some great meals in the freezer. Thanks so much mom!
Sadly they had to leave a little sooner than planned. Thier original flight was delayed an hour and a half so they decided to fly stand by on the eailer flight that was on time. So, they left and got back to Vegas without a hitch. It was hard to see them go, but everyone seemed to have a great time.
After they left and we got back I got a phone call from the other councelor that I work with in primary and she had the stomac flu, poor thing I felt really bad. So, that left just me manning all the controls for primary on Sunday. She was supposed to do sharing time and I was to conduct. The other two were traveling back that day from Utah. So, I called our music leader and she was able to do an extended singing time at the very last minute, thank goodness. She did great! I had called the bishopric councelor about the keys to the closet and then come to find out that he planned to help me out for both hours that day. So Mike and the other concelor were my primary buddies and it was great. It was nice to know that I was not all alone. It was a little busy but worked out well as do most church things. None of the kids seemed to even notice that things were a little off, so that was good.
I had another doctor's appointment this morning. It actually went alright. I am still on both medications and they are making me very tired. Everyday things and chores are becoming more and more difficult for me. I am glad that I have made arrangments for someone to come in and help. I have asked my sister-in-laws sister to come and help with the cleaning and maybe some babysitting. My sister-in-law set it up. Her sister is fairly new to the area and looking for a little extra work. Her and her husband are on the list through social services for adoption so she does not want to commit to a full time job. So, she is going to come over here and help me a little and we will pay her of course. But, I think it will work out well for both of us. She sounds really nice on the phone, and eager to help.
I am now in the pattern of going once a week to the doctor as I will begin the non-stress tests this next week. What they really need to do is hook me up to my real stress and then I would never pass! But it is important that I go and make sure that we are both fine. The ultra-sound went well last week. The baby is measuring in the 50% for height and weight. She weighs about 2.5 pounds right now. So, she is doing great and looks really cute if I say so myself. If is fun to see them grow and watch them progress. I am very grateful and realived that she is doing well. What a blessing, what a miracle. Many times throughout this process when the numbers have gotten crazy, I have said to myself, oh man I need a miracle. But, I know that the miracle has already occured and that I just need faith to pull me through. I need hope and faith which are sometimes hard to come by when you are facing a daunting task like this. I am grateful for the gospel in my life and for its teachings about the atonement and the Savior. Eventhough this is a heavy burden I know that if I cast it on the Lord that he will help me carry it. It will not go away until it is time for it to go away but it will be bearable.
Well, I am about ready to fall asleep at the computer so I will call it a night.
When they got here we were able to get all the Christmas decorations out and the tree up and decorated. So, I feel really good about that. The kids love doing that, they get so excited. They put all the ornaments in one spot, so mom and I had to fix the tree just a bit. But, it is done and that is a releif. Mom was also able to make us one more freezer meal so we are set with some great meals in the freezer. Thanks so much mom!
Sadly they had to leave a little sooner than planned. Thier original flight was delayed an hour and a half so they decided to fly stand by on the eailer flight that was on time. So, they left and got back to Vegas without a hitch. It was hard to see them go, but everyone seemed to have a great time.
After they left and we got back I got a phone call from the other councelor that I work with in primary and she had the stomac flu, poor thing I felt really bad. So, that left just me manning all the controls for primary on Sunday. She was supposed to do sharing time and I was to conduct. The other two were traveling back that day from Utah. So, I called our music leader and she was able to do an extended singing time at the very last minute, thank goodness. She did great! I had called the bishopric councelor about the keys to the closet and then come to find out that he planned to help me out for both hours that day. So Mike and the other concelor were my primary buddies and it was great. It was nice to know that I was not all alone. It was a little busy but worked out well as do most church things. None of the kids seemed to even notice that things were a little off, so that was good.
I had another doctor's appointment this morning. It actually went alright. I am still on both medications and they are making me very tired. Everyday things and chores are becoming more and more difficult for me. I am glad that I have made arrangments for someone to come in and help. I have asked my sister-in-laws sister to come and help with the cleaning and maybe some babysitting. My sister-in-law set it up. Her sister is fairly new to the area and looking for a little extra work. Her and her husband are on the list through social services for adoption so she does not want to commit to a full time job. So, she is going to come over here and help me a little and we will pay her of course. But, I think it will work out well for both of us. She sounds really nice on the phone, and eager to help.
I am now in the pattern of going once a week to the doctor as I will begin the non-stress tests this next week. What they really need to do is hook me up to my real stress and then I would never pass! But it is important that I go and make sure that we are both fine. The ultra-sound went well last week. The baby is measuring in the 50% for height and weight. She weighs about 2.5 pounds right now. So, she is doing great and looks really cute if I say so myself. If is fun to see them grow and watch them progress. I am very grateful and realived that she is doing well. What a blessing, what a miracle. Many times throughout this process when the numbers have gotten crazy, I have said to myself, oh man I need a miracle. But, I know that the miracle has already occured and that I just need faith to pull me through. I need hope and faith which are sometimes hard to come by when you are facing a daunting task like this. I am grateful for the gospel in my life and for its teachings about the atonement and the Savior. Eventhough this is a heavy burden I know that if I cast it on the Lord that he will help me carry it. It will not go away until it is time for it to go away but it will be bearable.
Well, I am about ready to fall asleep at the computer so I will call it a night.
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